God girl grill gridiron

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Getting a late start on the blog here. War Damn Eagle!

From the 5 - time to see what we can do in the red zone

Tate plows into the IONARZR*. Todd under center, Tate takes the handoff - TATE OVER THE TOP FOR A TOUCH! WAAAAAAR EAGLE!!!

This is the drive we wanted as Auburn tigers - long passes, good adjustments by the coach, a quarterback who maintained his cool under pressure, throwing to Tommy Trott... and a redzone offense not afraid to ram it in.

Tigers 7, LSU 3

Squib kickoff. Probably wise...

Charles Scott is just gashing us. This isn't looking good so far, but I've got faith in Rhoads and our defense. 9 yards, 2 yards, 11 yards and a whalloped Zac Etheridge. We need to tighten this game up. I wasn't too worried about our line play but we may just wear down - if we do wear out, LSU is gonna galllop all over us. Regardless of Scott being the thundering steed I thought he couldn't be, I still like Paul Rhoads. When the play call is right, Scott gets nailed behind the line. Also, we are selling out on tackles - Scott probably would have rumbled right over lesser safeties but our man stands firm and refuses to give up the big play. AC completely blew up two plays. He crashes down the line to wrap up the tailback, and then singlehandedly defends the entire field against a scrambling quarterback. Absolutely brilliant play by Coleman. I love this guy. Ball is chucked away against a 4-man rush, field goal is kicked under the uprights.

Tigers 7, LSU 3

Lester is swallowed up on the IONARZR*, and then Todd throws a gorgeous post... to the LSU CB. Ech.

Lee in. Craig Stevens vs. Scott on the off-tackle and Scott is stood-up for bollocks. Twin set I form, Lee overthrows the WR on the fly, but it's probably wise. He's perfectly covered by Jerraud Powers. 3wr vs the 4-3, Lee rolls away from the pressure and tries to squeeze a throw to the TE - Merrill Johnson is having none of it. Dunn back to receive, and LSU gets another amazing bounce, 58 yards in the air to the 5, bounces horizontally and we're pinned down again. Geez. Special teams have been flawless so far on both sides.

The Allstate schmucks really didn't deserve to be crammed into wigs and cheerleader outfits... and I didn't deserve to see that.

*Why I love her*
Me: Andrew Hatch looks like Peewee Herman
My fiancee: Does he? Chris Todd kind of does, too
Me: Yeah, I guess they both kind of look like PeeWee Herman.
My Fiancee: Well the LSU guy is BUILT like PeeWee Herman.

Chris Todd... reads the zone read and palefaces his way for a gangly 5 yards. And then he does it again?? In communist Russia, white boy fakes YOU! I am respecting Chris Todd more and more as this game progresses. If he takes a hit from an LSU freak and survives, I'm cool with anointing him. Trey set, Tate ziggos his way for four or so. Tate again on the smash out of the shotgun for 4. 3rd and 2, trey set. Todd calls his own number but Tyson Jackson flat-out rejects Bosley and swallows Todd up for what would have otherwise been an easy first down. Shoemaker bumps it downfield, decent field position for LSU.

Gabe McKenzie... is suddenly a tight end again! He perfectly covers the screen in the flat - WHAT awareness! - intercepts the pass, and runs it in for an easy score!

Tigers 14, LSU 3

Peewee Hatch back in, trey set. Scott out of the gun for a pissed-off mouthful of blue-jerseyed nightmares. Hatch again on the option to the near side (a call that I just flat don't understand) and keeps it. He fights for really good yards. Jumbo I on 3rd and 1 and the fullback dive grinds out the first down. Trey set on first down, and Scott takes the read for five yards. The Mad Hatter calls time with 0:08 showing on the clock. And again. He rambles incoherently into the face of Paul Rubens Hatch - God knows what. Five wides with a trips bunch split out far, we're in prevent and Hatch can't complete on the comeback. Three seconds left, trey set - the Hail Mary! Walter MacFadden - clearly the good Catholic, or is he? - knocks that crap out of the sky and we are WINNING THIS FOOTBALL GAME! Geaux to the locker room, vous misérables bâtards!

Holly Rowe asks Tubby why he's throwing the ball and Tubby says "They put eight men on the line of scrimmage." Being the graceful southerner he is, he does not add "...or can't you count?" Sign of the apocalypse on Armageddon night: Mark May and Thenator Thuccotath are talking about LSU being the team with the 2=0 quarterback problem and if that isn't enough I actually agree with both of them.

Halftime. So far, I've been wrong about our matchup on the line (both ways) our running game, and Chris Todd. The lines aren't matching up well, the running game hasn't been that great, but Chris Todd - aside from that one interception - has earned my respect. War Eagle! But I think I was right about the coaching. We are simply outcoaching LSU. Is it simply because LSU is headed by this man:

...or has Tubby really folded his way to the final table? Hrm. I still want to see more out of our playbook, but hey, take what the defense gives us, eh?

Sweet Moses. Why is Shoemaker punting, again? Saturn V Durst better be missing a leg, or have Guillain-Barre Syndrome or be punting satellites for NASA. Ugh.

Twin set, good rush but we give up 12 to a PeeWee Hatch scamper - wow! Sen-Derrick Marks Rex blasts through the line on 1st down and arm-tackles the TB to the turf. Pistol set, option right to the far side and JERRAUD POWERS HAS HIS REVENGE. PeeLee on the field while PeeWee tries to remember where his hotdog bush is. Weird bunch set on 3rd down and the tight end baskets a quick strike - nice play, as we sent Mike on the whip blitz and left the middle wide open. Pistol trey, PA rollout to Walt MacFadden, who can't hang on to the pick. 3rd and 10. Spread set. Jarrett Lee stands tall like a captain and delivers the flawless strike for a touch while being nailed up the nosepipe by a grizzly bear. Ouch.

Tigers 14, Umbrella-dogs 10. Game on, tigers.

The Mad Hatter strikes again...?! An onside kick? What on earth? When will the insanity end? Five wide set. Lee rolls down the line and hits the underneath route for three. I-form on 2nd down, handoff to the TB who is immediately crushed. Our defense completes a momentum-shattering stand, forcing the overthrow. Dunn is blanketed again for a fair catch at the 13.

We run out of another bizarre set - like the I form but with the QB dotting the I. Then we run an amazing play - PA fake, fake the Super Mario screen, then hurl it all the way across the field to a wide open Frogger Dunn. If you want to compare our running game, say, to Donkey Kong, that's three video games in one play. Brad takes the bread-and-butter plunge up the gut for seven, and then catches a swing for a first down and a re-injury... this time his right knee. From the replay, I'm thinking he could have rocked his right lateral collateral ligament. Trey set plus Tate, and the corner route is well-covered by a cornbrella. Trey set to the near side - begging for a bubble screen, just begging - and the speed option pitch to Tate goes for seven. Third and three. Paleface busts a gumby-run off-guard for not enough. Todd under center! Play-action to two running backs! Todd shakes Curtis Taylor! And.. the pass to Tommy Trott floats on Todd and is intercepted. Crap. That's two, Todd.

Scott up the gut for good yards, and then the corner route comes open for Lee and LaFell to connect in front of Savage. And then they throw the same pass again for another big score! And then LSU runs the speed option pitch cum halfback pass - and a beautifully thrown pass, at that. Good grief. Our man #26 is beat like a redheaded stepchild...

Tigers 14, cornbread-coated raincatchers 17.

Missed the first play of the drive, but Chris Todd running the hump on the speed option is a baaaad decision. We go under center and Tate hammers out the first down. Good men. Designed rollout on first down is torn apart by an LSU blitz, but that's to be expected when you have 12 men on the field, nurr. Eat it, Hatter! 1st and 5, spread set. The LSU pass rush forces an overthrow that thankfully also overthrows the LSU secondary. Trey set and Tate runs the shotgun sweep to the naked side for a hard-earned 1. Trey near on 3rd and 4, and we don't get it. The punt, thankfully is a good one.

LSU's first play - Scott churns through several tackles for 10. Then, he does it again for 9. The 2nd down screen goes for way more than it should. And then Scott punishes us for a huge, 30-yard rumbling run from a simple off-guard lead play. The LSU O-line is really controlling things. Blackmon has had enough and gets Scott in the backfield. 2nd and 10, I form twins - the sure first-and-more to LaFell is thrown waaay wide, by the grace of God or the whim of fate I'll take it. 3rd and 10, and LSU lets the clock run down until they have to burn the timeout.

The last thing this world needed was a Beatles-remake commercial by Hampton Inn complete with Segway'ed women in business suits and a dancing briefcase guy. Good grief.

3rd down: event horizon. Jumbo shotgun twins? The pray-for-a-broken-tackle draw goes for 6 yards of thbbbt. Why did they do that? They weren't even on the hashmark to start with. Whatev. We're down by 6.

Tigers 14, LS-ieu 20. Can we survive the Hattery?

Tristan Davis attempts to give the ball away on kickoff and fails. On first down, Todd is forced to throw the ball over the LSU DE and has to throw like Clinton Durst kicks. But on second, on the rollout left, Hawthorne bails Chris Todd out and eats up a country mile of open grass before a member of the LSU sprint team pushes him out. Tate for, say, a nose on 1st and red. Tate for, say, less than a nose on 2nd and eh. We call time on third down for the playclock. It's 3rd and 9, 6:48 left. I don't know what we do here. LSU is just plain in the driver's seat. Hoo boy. 3rd and 9, trey far. LSU shows blitz. Todd rolling and BOOM! Beautiful corner to ankles-breakin' Robert Dunn on a beautiful matchup and we are leading again!

Tigers 21, LSU 20

I form twins and the first carry by Scott is straight up nuked. Holly Rowe informs us that while Hatch may look drunk, this is impossible because he is Mormon. He's merely drunk on the stunning Power of the Auburn defense - who can blame him? Unfortunately, this is still a problem for a Mormon because our defense is a mind-altering substance. The PA corner is well-covered and overthrown. Demetrius Byrd down with a cramp - capitalize, Tigers! 3rd and guts, shotgun trey and Lee throws to his imaginary friend. They set up to punt to Dunn with one timeout left, and he faircatches at better than the 20 (for once this game, the punt doesn't roll into the coffin.)

We've got to do something strategic here.

Tate takes the shotgun sweep, near side under zone blocking that doesn't go anywhere. 5 wide and Todd overthrows. Another gut check third down, 5 wide set, Tate motion back in. He takes the power handoff off-tackle for four or so, but no first. We really squandered that drive. Shoemaker in again... I fully expect to be informed that Clinton Durst has been saving nuns from burning convents because otherwise where is he? They're on their 45!! That was not strategic.

3-3-5, spread set. Keiland Williams takes the delay for 7 across the fifty. Screen to the flanker for a first - nice tackling job but good grief. Another screen for 9 and Colt David is licking his purple and gold lips. C'mon tigers! Scott pounds it for a first and this game is slipping away, play by play. The coaching pendulum has completely swung, as Lee eats the blitz but hits Scott on the circle route for 9 again, and the FB takes the easy first. It's gonna take a miracle here... and unfortunately LSU gets it. Lee throws a gorgeous out route and it goes for the score.

They're going for two - the rollout, the throw to the corner and it's... incomplete! Thank you, polecat for that quick judgment.

Tigers 21, oh crap 26?

Tate takes the pooch. We have three timeouts, 58 seconds, 65 yards to touchdown, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it!

Tate takes the swing out of bounds for not much, but we benefit from Todd getting whalloped to the tune of a roughing-the-passer. Inside LSU territory. Trey far shotgun - Ziemba is completely out of position and the RE sacks Todd for a lightning-quick 15 and it's 2nd and &$%@ 25. Stadium steps, Ziemba. Spread set, Tate motion in, again the route down the sideline is double-covered and overthrown. They rush 4 but still get nasty pressure. 3rd and 25. Todd overthrows a very lonely Robert Dunn on the post. 4th and 25. Todd will face the best, freshest D-line LSU can field right now. Trey far, Todd is flushed, Rod Smith makes the concentration catch in heavy coverage for.......

Not enough. Tubby argues for the late hit, but they earned that one.

Auburn: 21
LSU: 26
everyone's ligaments: untattered
Les Miles' hat: rubber baby buggy bumpers nurr back to you Holly Rowe.

*Incredibly obviously not-a-zone-read zone read, words I would be forced to eat by Chris "runs like a puppet" Todd.

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