God girl grill gridiron

Sunday, April 5, 2009

"Hello?" "This is Aquaman. Don't worry." "Worry about what?"

I never knew a fortune cookie could be ominous, until I got this one today:

What aid will I soon require, O mystical pseudo-Chinese pastry? What mighty forces have chosen this bastardized polygonal confection as their mouthpiece, their prophet, their 911 operator? Good evening, sir. The A-Team will arrive in the nick of time. Do not call or email - all lines are monitored by your enemies. Signed, your squirrel nut zipper.

This is merely the most recent successor in a long line of bizarrely incomplete cookie-borne admonitions. My favorite up to now was this half-pearl of wisdom:
All truth goes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is reviled.
What? Third, what? What happens to the truth, fortune cookie? What happens?

I'll buy you a Coke if you once got a strange fortune cookie that might complete these bizarre transmissions. Something like "Third, Jon Stewart will stare at it with palpable incredulity" or "42". Or more pertinently "You are being secretly stalked by velociraptors, but don't worry because"

If it's the latter, let me know sooner rather than later.


Sullivan013 is quick on the draw, busting out Schopenhauer. Congratulations, sir - if you're thirsty, I'm sending the pause that refreshes in your direction.


Sullivan013 said...


"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

Arthur Schopenhauer

German philosopher (1788 - 1860)

Which brings me to the advice I once heard: "Never drink German Beer with Chinese food: Half an hour later, you'll feel like conquering the world again."


Abby said...

I had one that had a typo in it once. It said "Handsome is that handsome dose." Ironically, I identified with it. Handsome sometimes is a big dose of something. PS -- Read my blog now. We must be on the same brainwave today.

Carolina Bluebird said...

I haven't laughed so hard since Winky-dink, and I really needed a laugh today.