God girl grill gridiron

Friday, October 10, 2008

Anything but.


Consider this my attempt to forget about football for a little while.

I could get the Arky game on ESPN360, but will be celebrating good food and engaging in amateur enthnomusicology at the Richmond Folk Festival. Cajun food + Inuit throat singing = yes. So maybe I'll stat-box the game on Monday, or simply read whatever excellent analysis is turned out by the blAUgosphere. If we're lucky, we'll duplicate this stunning anti-performance. In any case, War Damn Eagle. I just need a break from the insanity.

Oh and by the way: Jerry's written an especially poignant open letter to booing fans. Required reading. I'm glad I wasn't there to hear them project their frustrations onto a team of young men to whom the game is immeasurably more meaningful. Damn - what does that indicate, Auburn tigers? I'm glad I wasn't there to see us? Ech. This is one God-awful season.

in what is to be a shiny new Grotus' Acorn recurring feature

Introducing: I'll buy you a Coke.

Everyone has those moments, the one where you're scratching your head trying to remember that witty thing Herbert Hoover said, so long ago. Or the chief export of Nicaragua. Or what year it was that Auburn scored, like, four defensive touchdowns and bollocks on offense to upset Spurrier's Gators in the swamp.

We are fortunate to live in the golden age of Google and Wikipedia, which can reliably answer many of these questions and in the blink of an eye. But for many trivial yet nagging bits of information, we must still rely on the oral tradition and subject matter expertise.

Which is where you come in. These things nag at me in particular and have been known to gnaw on me for days and days, but I've devised a way to let someone else take care of it. I'll buy you a coke if you can tell me. That is to say, I'll either ship you a 20oz bottle (which I can not guarantee will arrive cold and unshaken) or I'll somehow pay you the going price of an ice-cold Coca-Cola in your locale. Hell, if I know you (or, perhaps, if you live nearby,) I'll drag you down to the 7-11 and buy you an elixir of the South in person. The necessary stipulations:
  1. No Pepsi products, no 7-Up, no Snapple, etc. I'm a Coke guy (who isn't? they should be) and while I've been known to slug a Diet Pepsi Max, I consider its caffeine levels to be purely medicinal and as such it is inappropriate for a reward. I may make exception for an RC cola, provided it's to be drunk with a cheap bag of peanuts.
  2. Speed wins and to the victor go the spoils. You can post comments on this here blog, email me at, you can do whatever you like. Hire a plane to drag a banner by the hospital and if I see that plane before I see anyone else's, I'll buy you a coke. Just be first.
  3. Preferably, there would be some verifiable source backing up your answer. Preferably, but not absolutely.
  4. If I find the answer first, well, guess who gets the Coke? Mmmm...
For the inaugural offering, I'll ask you this: sometime, I think in the late nineties, Auburn played Florida in the Swamp. The heavily-favored gators completely dominated our offense, but our defense gobbled up multiple turnovers for scores. Their epic performance propelled us to victory in what would become standard Auburn offense-is-another-kind-of-defense fashion. I remember watching that game and remember it as a seminal moment in my growth as an Auburn Tiger, transfixed as I was by the glory of half a football team winning out over such an opponent - but for the life of me I can't remember when it was.

Any ideas? I'll buy you a Coke.

Dr. J versus Kath and Kim

Those of you who eagerly awaited the return of The Office this past Thursday were in for a real treat: the pilot for Kath and Kim, which is mostly played out at the mall. Hopefully you were spared, but if you're an Office-phile like me you weren't.

For the pop-culture comparison, we have Dr. J, calmly intoning that he can understand why Dr. Pepper is better when savored slowly, because half his life has been lived in slow motion. One of the two is funny because it's true, one is wrenchingly unfunny because it's equally true. Three guesses as to which is which.

1 comment:

Nate said...

You're either thinking of (maybe) 1993:

or 1994 (more likely, with 5 picks in the game):

Either way, Roll Tide. :)