Auburn vs. ULM in the Battle of the Bama Slayers. First Half

1835: ~30 minutes to kickoff. I have beer, I have steaks, I have ESPN360.com. Everything's in place.

1904: Here come your Auburn Tigers!

1908: PPL set to receive. Kickoff - WAR EAGLE! Decent return to the 24.

1909: Kodi Burns coming in first.

1D three receiver set, out route incomplete
2D 4wr screen incomplete
3D 4wr Quarter blitz is Kodi-fied for 23 yards! Make 'em pay.

1D Brad Lester up the gut for not that much
2D 8 4wr Lester zone read off tackle near side for a first down! But a hold brings it back.
2D 16 complete on a hitch for 8 yards.
3D 9 4wr good coverage, Kodi wisely chucks it away. We punt. Byron Isom's hold killed that drive.
4D Durst hangs it up in the air, FC at the 14

First drive showed some promise, good run by Lester. When we were connecting, we were looking good, but the passing game wasn't in synch. I chalk that up to receiver play - the drop on the out route was a bad way to start.

1D 5wr WAR EAGLE! HELL YEAH! Big sack on Lancaster, big fumble, Goggans picks it up and runs in for the score. Big mistake sliding the coverage away from Antonio Coleman. Do it again, tigers!

Auburn 7 - ULM 0

Kickoff to the 32....
1D 4wr 1 TE jet handoff OT. Goggans overpursued, 1st down
1D 2wr twin, twin TE. Good pressure but we let the pressure valve go for another 1st down
1D 4wr gun overpursue the screen, gain of 11. 1st down. Geez... where is our defense?
1D 4wr motion HB into the backfield, handoff stuffed by AC
2D 10 3 WR Blackmon blitzes blows it up and lays a nice lick on Lancaster. Welcome to Auburn, home of the world's happiest linebacker.
3D 10 4wr empty overthrown under heavy pressure by AC.
4D and they try the coffin punt out of the field goal formation... doesn't work. Touchback

Ok, we pulled it back together with a little more aggression. Rally to Coleman!

1D 5wr Chris Todd in. Motion in a WR to block, throw to Slaughter complete for 5, tackled immediately
2D 2wr 2TE Lester takes the hand and runs the hump for a few yards.
3D 5 4wr swing pass to Lester is.... incomplete. We punt again.
4D Durst shanks it, bounces to the ULM 30.

Still not in synch. I don't like how this looks at all. We're running a good set of plays but we aren't executing.

1D big set, twin wr. Lancaster throws it away and denies Merrill Johnson the sack. Little does he know it just makes Merrill angrier.
2D twin wr, te, H, HB Powers eats the near-side naked screen alive.
3D 8 4wr They hit the hitch against the cover 2 for 12 yards and a 1st down.
1D ace 3 wr Belly play goes for good yards.
2D 3 spread 4 and they run all over us again. What is Rhoads doing??
1D trey set zone read HB near side goes for 5 yards
2D 5 twin wr motion to the I form Sen'Derrick destroys that offensive line.
3D 9 trey set HB flare to the opposite side. The first tackle is missed (!) but he's swarmed immediately.
4D Badly missed field goal. Tiger ball!

Bend but don't break again. I hate that.

1D on the 22 Tate/Burns zone read to Tate, off guard far side for 6yards
2D 4 empty Tate at the H. Burns off RG for 3yards
3D What do we do on 3rd and 1? weeeird set with Tate, Smith, and an H back. Fake to Tate and cut across the grain with Burns.
1D Slaughter cuts inside for nothin'.
2D LaMo has 7 in the box. Designed roll out, hits the hitch.
3D 6 Kodi has nothing to throw, takes off for 4 yards.
4D Durst again, hangs it high, fair catch at the 20.

1D from the 20 4wr, jet motion. Overthrows the wide-open TE
2D good pressure from the front 4 forces the bad throw.
3D 3wr and we crush the draw with a twist.
4D Whatever doghouse Robert Dunn is in, I don't freakin' care! Three gorgeous moves and he's got 66 yards and another Auburn score!
Auburn 14-0

Byrum's kickoff is ok, but they wedge us down to the 34. Why are they able to do that? That makes me mad. It looks like we're running uphill.

Commercial break - I light the charcoal.

1D RB cuts back across the stretch for a couple yards before Antoine Carter puts a stop to it.
2D 9? The underneath route gets a lesson in pain from Zac Etheridge
3D 5 we're Cover 1. Slip screen back to the LOS. Get off the field, turkeys.
4D punt, turkeys, punt.

That Dr. J commercial really doesn't get old. Dr. J's a funny guy. "Half my life has been in slow motion." I can't tell if it's funny because it's true, or just plain true.

1D Todd in. 7 men in the box vs 3wr. Dunn in the slot. Forget about lumbering Tate, who looked like a boulder rolling down the mountain for the 1st down.
1D Tate across the grain for a yard or two. Why are we even trying to run the zone read with Todd on the field?
2D 8 Tate gets the swing and inexplicably half-jukes the corner. Destroy, Tate, destroy!
3D 3 they blitz and Todd panics, overthrows the swing to Tate. Crap.
4D Bomb of a punt, fair caught at the 12.

We're picking up speed, but our receivers are still a non-factor. This isn't good.

1D Blackmon's out, Bynes in at Mike. Trey set. HB takes the zone read for diddly squat and a mouthful of pissed-off Josh Bynes.
ULM calls a time out, screeches a feedback-addled stadium microphone. What about Tray?
2D 8 4wr Craig Stevens cracks down on the short catch.
3D 6 Tez Doolittle leaps in front of Lancaster, forcing the ball to be thrown almost directly up.
4D Lightning Dunn doesn't strike twice, tripped up pretty quick this time.

1D Burns, we're on the 43? Lester up the gut and cuts into a linebacker.
2D Safeties sneaking up. Lester churns it for a yard.
3D 8 Lester on the outside run for.... nothing. Stopped (weirdly enough) by Josh Thompson.
4D Durst again, again punts it into the stratosphere. Fair catch inside the 20 surrounded by tigers.

That was stupid. When are we going to make them pay for filling up the box? If this is the spread, why are there 7 and 8 guys in the box? Ugh.

1D on the 19 3wr Ace. Jerraud Powers just had a flashback of the LSU game and the wr fails to catch the ball. Eeeeesh.
2D Harden and Goggans were in the backfield before the handoff. BOOM.
3D trey set to the far side. Speed option into the CB and Sen'Derrick Marks Rex.
4D Punt just inside the 50. C'mon Tigers, do something with it!

1D Todd goes in, continuing the alternation. Offset stacked I. Low snap, Todd recovers and tries to throw it to the LB. The LB declines the interception.
2D Todd gets happy feet again and throws complete, but only because Lester held somebody.
2D 20 2wr H good protection but awesome coverage. Todd has nothing and he has to throw it away. No one seems to think Todd is going to run it (amazing, I know.)
3D 20 Outlet valve to Tate is annihilated and incomplete.
4D Durst is our MVP so far, hanging another one into the clouds and forcing a fair catch at the 12.

So far, we've determined that neither 100% running nor 100% passing is a good plan.

1D form the 12, tight trey. Goodin finds the corner for 3 yards
2D 4wr trey Quick hit to the isolated receiver for a 1st down.
1D offset stacked I. AC is taken waaay wide and Lancaster scrambles for 6
2D 2D 4, 3 wr. Good coverage by Neiko Thorpe on the fly.
3D 4, 3 and an H. Incomplete to the RB on the circle route. AC's pressure forces more bad passing.
4D Dunn is real amped up and tries to make something happen, but he keeps going backwards.

1D Kodi in. Trey set. Terrell Zachary called for the false start. HUGE freshman mistake.
1D 15 Trey set. This time ULM jumps it and is called.
1D 10 Are we snapping from the guard position? Pitch for doodle.
2D Ben "the Boulder" Tate comes rollin' down the mountain behind the pulling lineman for 51 yards!
1D Lester slashes for 6. The line's looking better, the backs are being more patient
2D 4 Lester churns ahead for 4 yards. Timeout to measure, first down Tigers
ULM calls a timeout. Let's see what we do in the red zone. This is the decision point.
1D on the 20. Ryan Pugh moves, docking us 5 yards.
1D 15. Lester takes the option pitch to the near side and jukes
2D 12 Blitz, Burns throws the strike, Rod Smith almost gets it in the end zone and it's ruled incomplete. Replay confirms a toe over the goal line. Great throw by Burns under pressure, though! That's the Future Boy I wanted to see! Also, Rod gets a belly full of the brick wall at the back of the end zone... Who thought putting that wall there was a good idea?
3D 12 They drop 8 into coverage, Burns' throw is tipped and incomplete.
4D Wes splits 'em (only has to do it once) and the offense finally scores.
Auburn 17-0

Best drive so far. We managed to get our head together enough to march almost 30 yards. I'm feeling a little ill. There had better be some serious adjustments at halftime.

They don't wedge us quite as well that time, thanks to Spencer Pybus blowin' it up.

1D on the 20. Trey set. Goodin off guard on the zone read for about 4
2D 6 Trey set, TE near side. False start by the warhawks. 2nd penalty for ULM so far.
Auburn calls a timeout.
2D Trey set TE far side. Lancaster keeps it and collapses in mewling fear in front of two blue-jerseyed bell-ringers.
Auburn timeout to stop the clock with 14 seconds.
3D 11. trey set. Lancaster sacked! Merrill Johnson is still angry. And ironically, sacking the QB makes him even angrier than before.
4D Will we go after it? Will Robert Dunn be given the chance to work his magic? We tried to block it, but they got it off. Ball goes out of bounds with nothing left on the clock.

1st half was painful to watch. Time for steaks.

First half: